Middle of February and lots of stuff still brewing. Not sure where to begin. I would think by now, I would be much smarter and know how things work. Doesn't appear to be the case.
I may have sold her house. We are just waiting on an FHA inspection. It surprises me that I could empty it out, selling her and my deceased fathers possessions, put the house up for sale and never show proof that I had the legal right to do so. Just this last week, 3 weeks after accepting the offer, did anyone ask for a legal copy of my power of attorney. I must have an honest face, or they are very trusting.
I am hoping that the closing goes as planned and that monkey is off my back. The state doesn't allow her to use social security to pay for taxes, minimal utility bills, home owners insurance and snow removal on property she still owns. What she gets, goes directly to the nursing home. That means someone (me) has to "loan" her money until the house sells. More paperwork to document the loans, more pain in the tush. (I'm trying to be nice there) Once the property sells, she can pay me back.
We did another stint in the ER and ICU this month. Her health still is very fragile. She is mentally better since her release. The added units of blood have pumped more oxygen to her brain. That is good news..... and bad. She believes she is able to live independently again, which clearly, she is not. She goes on and on like a child about it; however, her physical capabilities still are totally limiting. I can't blame her for wanting out. It is an awful place to live. We have not told her that her doctors say it is a permanent placement. She would give up. The staff, however, are not as kind. They tell her things they have no right to tell her. Some assistant therapist told her that her apartment was rented out. That is their business.... how?
There was a fight about bed holds while she was in the hospital. ($300 per day out of your pocket) Technically, Medicaid should have paid them... once they set a date of approval, it would happen. They forced me to guarantee it. I wouldn't do it. They packed her crap.... literally threw it in boxes and put it outside in a shed. Her eyeglasses were thrown into a box with her phone and other things that could have easily been damaged. Her clothing was not folded, just dumped. Their disregard for her and her possessions totally pissed me off.... I brought it up at one of the care meetings and they were mad at me for mentioning it.
Still no word from the state if they accepted all the paperwork I meticulously provided. We still have no official word on medicaid approval or a date. The system works at its own pace. They aren't concerned about the bills that arrive every day in the mail. They make me very nervous. We don't know if Medicare should be paying those bills or if Medicaid really should be. To someone who always pays their bills on time, it is very hard to see them pile up, knowing there is no more money left to pay them.
The average nursing home bill has been between $7,500.00 and $10,000.00 per month, including medication costs... and her private insurance is still covering the major part of the medication cost. Take your average nest egg and figure out how long you would be able to last. It doesn't take a genius to see that most everyone in nursing care is on medicaid. The unreasonable cost forces you to become part of the system.
We have an upcoming doctor appointment. I hope he is more honest with her this time. He is a master avoider. My fear is that he will buy into her pleas and say she can try assisted living again. I can't really believe that would happen; my brother says it won't. I don't trust anyone's good judgment anymore. They have failed over and over again in making good decisions.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009 Has to be Easier!
I've had time to digest. My take on it all is a little more in perspective. I'm still offended at the lawyer's fees, don't get me wrong, but I can see that the end result is what really matters.
This past year has been a growing experience. With growing, comes growing pains.
I felt huge emotional pains, watching my mom suffer painfully: physically, mentally and, yes, emotionally. I can't imagine the loss of dignity of being in a nursing home, confined to a wheelchair, in diapers, having someone spoon feed you, when your brain is telling you that you are well enough to be independent. (she definitely was, and still is, not!)
It hurt tremendously to have to move her possessions from her independent living apartment without her knowledge. (We couldn't let on, the ensuing depression would have made her give up, she was too ill to handle that grave injustice)
As the only child in town, I became her support. I became the financial power of attorney, the medical power of attorney, the advocate between her and her care givers, the one to do the arranging of transportation, the one to shuttle back and forth between the doctors, the hospitals.... At times, I felt there was a phone constantly in my ear. When the phone rings or the mail comes, I cringe. Ya, me, who doesn't even balance my checkbook because I truly hate money and dealing with that sort of thing.
The messy state of her affairs... Where do I begin? She had been very ill for many years; it was monumental. It wasn't just filing papers... I learned about: insurance, home owners, medicare, and personal secondary medical insurance; selling a house; estate sales; selling stock; reclaiming property that has been transferred to the state; liquidating assets; property tax; prearranging funerals; probate; death tax; dealing with financial planners; sheltering assets; annuities; elder care attorneys....the list goes on and on. Each one more insulting to your intelligence because the elderly get bashed financially on all ends. BUT the most fun???? Medicaid law.
Wait a minute... let me amend that. Maybe the most tolling thing was the well meaning, evil spirited phone calls and digs from her friends and tertiary relatives who didn't think I was doing enough or doing right by her... Where was their help??
So, every day, I had a huge to-do list because the time clock was ticking; the law changed as of today, January 1, 2009. As of today, the law is way less favorable if you haven't pre-planned.
So on top of all this BS paperwork, trying to get people to do their jobs right when you contact them, reading and learning, and oh yea, my job, my responsibilities and my life...one still needs to eat, sleep (not much), shower, do laundry and buy groceries (did I mention some major surgery?)... I visit every other day or so, and somehow find a way to put a smile on my face, be upbeat and find cheery conversation.
I learned that it might be ok to die. It has changed my outlook on the final frontier. I hope I go fast. I hope medicine doesn't prolong my life to the point that I can no longer take care of myself. I also learned that the tough part is being the one who has to "clean up" after someone else dies.
I will probably learn more in 2009. The saga, I know, is far from over. The house is not yet sold. I just read an article that said there were only 13 homes that sold in December in Racine. Some of them sold for well less than half of their assessed value.
I may end up buying real estate that I don't even want, just to save it from the wolves. (we have 45 days to sell it or it becomes fodder for the state to seize upon her death) That doesn't even take into consideration the insurance, property taxes, upkeep, heat.... see the fun, see why sleep is elusive?
The emotional pain will be huge when she finally does pass on. I will really be a grown up then and will miss her terribly... I already do on days her mental capabilities take her away.
This past year has been a growing experience. With growing, comes growing pains.
I felt huge emotional pains, watching my mom suffer painfully: physically, mentally and, yes, emotionally. I can't imagine the loss of dignity of being in a nursing home, confined to a wheelchair, in diapers, having someone spoon feed you, when your brain is telling you that you are well enough to be independent. (she definitely was, and still is, not!)
It hurt tremendously to have to move her possessions from her independent living apartment without her knowledge. (We couldn't let on, the ensuing depression would have made her give up, she was too ill to handle that grave injustice)
As the only child in town, I became her support. I became the financial power of attorney, the medical power of attorney, the advocate between her and her care givers, the one to do the arranging of transportation, the one to shuttle back and forth between the doctors, the hospitals.... At times, I felt there was a phone constantly in my ear. When the phone rings or the mail comes, I cringe. Ya, me, who doesn't even balance my checkbook because I truly hate money and dealing with that sort of thing.
The messy state of her affairs... Where do I begin? She had been very ill for many years; it was monumental. It wasn't just filing papers... I learned about: insurance, home owners, medicare, and personal secondary medical insurance; selling a house; estate sales; selling stock; reclaiming property that has been transferred to the state; liquidating assets; property tax; prearranging funerals; probate; death tax; dealing with financial planners; sheltering assets; annuities; elder care attorneys....the list goes on and on. Each one more insulting to your intelligence because the elderly get bashed financially on all ends. BUT the most fun???? Medicaid law.
Wait a minute... let me amend that. Maybe the most tolling thing was the well meaning, evil spirited phone calls and digs from her friends and tertiary relatives who didn't think I was doing enough or doing right by her... Where was their help??
So, every day, I had a huge to-do list because the time clock was ticking; the law changed as of today, January 1, 2009. As of today, the law is way less favorable if you haven't pre-planned.
So on top of all this BS paperwork, trying to get people to do their jobs right when you contact them, reading and learning, and oh yea, my job, my responsibilities and my life...one still needs to eat, sleep (not much), shower, do laundry and buy groceries (did I mention some major surgery?)... I visit every other day or so, and somehow find a way to put a smile on my face, be upbeat and find cheery conversation.
I learned that it might be ok to die. It has changed my outlook on the final frontier. I hope I go fast. I hope medicine doesn't prolong my life to the point that I can no longer take care of myself. I also learned that the tough part is being the one who has to "clean up" after someone else dies.
I will probably learn more in 2009. The saga, I know, is far from over. The house is not yet sold. I just read an article that said there were only 13 homes that sold in December in Racine. Some of them sold for well less than half of their assessed value.
I may end up buying real estate that I don't even want, just to save it from the wolves. (we have 45 days to sell it or it becomes fodder for the state to seize upon her death) That doesn't even take into consideration the insurance, property taxes, upkeep, heat.... see the fun, see why sleep is elusive?
The emotional pain will be huge when she finally does pass on. I will really be a grown up then and will miss her terribly... I already do on days her mental capabilities take her away.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
11/16/08
Met with an elder care lawyer. Why does everything financial in life have to feel so slimy? You can benefit this...... much, for ..... these dollars. In the meantime, the poorer people just get screwed. Hard working people work their whole lives to provide comfort and security in their later years, maybe leave a very little something for their kids, and it gets all mucked up though dishonest laws and greedy instutions.
If I hire this guy, I should say, WHEN I hire this guy... he can guarantee the state will pay her bills through Medicaid and some money from the estate will go to the heirs and not all to the nursing home. Ick.
I would be a fool not to pay this guy his ridiculous fee to represent me, but it feels so, so, so wrong. Then on the other hand, it feels so, so, so wrong to pay the nursing home extortion fees for such awful care. You can't win. The system is so out of whack.
If I sound bitter, it is because this is recent and I haven't had the time to absorb the newest "slap" that has been this learning process.
When my time comes, I hope it happens quickly. Healthcare, senior rights and what we do to the elderly at the final stages of their lives is criminal.
If I hire this guy, I should say, WHEN I hire this guy... he can guarantee the state will pay her bills through Medicaid and some money from the estate will go to the heirs and not all to the nursing home. Ick.
I would be a fool not to pay this guy his ridiculous fee to represent me, but it feels so, so, so wrong. Then on the other hand, it feels so, so, so wrong to pay the nursing home extortion fees for such awful care. You can't win. The system is so out of whack.
If I sound bitter, it is because this is recent and I haven't had the time to absorb the newest "slap" that has been this learning process.
When my time comes, I hope it happens quickly. Healthcare, senior rights and what we do to the elderly at the final stages of their lives is criminal.
Friday, October 31, 2008
10/31/08
Boo! Pretty scary... Happy Halloween.
For your Halloween read, a scary TRUE story... Ever ride the Bus Dart? It is a wheelchair door to door service provided by Belle Urban System, The Bus...
Yesterday the nursing home goofed... BIG ASS time! Sent me into the community with wheelchair and mom in tow. Told me she had a doctor appointment. Got there, and guess what? The office was closed. The appointment was for yesterday. Good darn thing the lobby was open and there were 2 of the nicest ladies still there, doing paperwork. They unlocked the doors and allowed us in. One of the ladies called The Dart to beg them return (our return bus wasn't supposed to be there for one full hour more!) Even though it was fairly warm yesterday.... I was dealing with a very sick woman who just got over pneumonia. Sitting outside in the wind and cool weather would not have been a good thing, Martha. Can you imagine if it was the middle of winter and no one was in the building? The Bus Dart returned in about 10 minutes. Can't fault them there. They were actually very accommodating.
Every dealing I've been having lately makes my blood boil. Someone is going to really get blasted soon, I'm afraid...
On a good note! Yes, have to have those or I'd blow a gasket for sure.... My son is home from college for a long weekend. It was so good to hug him, see him and talk to him. He forgot about my surgery and hugged me and lifted me into the air.... Kinda ouch, but worth it.
Another good note, have plans for the evening out. Includes wine and conversation and good relaxing time. Have to keep the sanity... Have to keep the sanity... Ooohhhmmmm....
For your Halloween read, a scary TRUE story... Ever ride the Bus Dart? It is a wheelchair door to door service provided by Belle Urban System, The Bus...
Yesterday the nursing home goofed... BIG ASS time! Sent me into the community with wheelchair and mom in tow. Told me she had a doctor appointment. Got there, and guess what? The office was closed. The appointment was for yesterday. Good darn thing the lobby was open and there were 2 of the nicest ladies still there, doing paperwork. They unlocked the doors and allowed us in. One of the ladies called The Dart to beg them return (our return bus wasn't supposed to be there for one full hour more!) Even though it was fairly warm yesterday.... I was dealing with a very sick woman who just got over pneumonia. Sitting outside in the wind and cool weather would not have been a good thing, Martha. Can you imagine if it was the middle of winter and no one was in the building? The Bus Dart returned in about 10 minutes. Can't fault them there. They were actually very accommodating.
Every dealing I've been having lately makes my blood boil. Someone is going to really get blasted soon, I'm afraid...
On a good note! Yes, have to have those or I'd blow a gasket for sure.... My son is home from college for a long weekend. It was so good to hug him, see him and talk to him. He forgot about my surgery and hugged me and lifted me into the air.... Kinda ouch, but worth it.
Another good note, have plans for the evening out. Includes wine and conversation and good relaxing time. Have to keep the sanity... Have to keep the sanity... Ooohhhmmmm....
Sunday, October 19, 2008
10/19/2008
I actually had to look at the date... didn't even know what month it is. Things with my mom continue to spiral out of control. We did a two week stint in the hospital again. Started with more fluid buildup, led to heart failure, then a new twist emerged.... pneumonia. Now there is a treat. What an awful way to wrack your body.
Here is some of the frustration we are dealing with:
She was so ill, we tried to get the medical power of attorney enacted. We had this drawn up with the lawyer when my father died 17 years ago. You think you have your bases covered and they pull some crap out last minute to foil you....
We learned that it means nothing until you have to have 2 doctors sign that someone is mentally incompetent. (how demeaning).... A psychologist came to eval her, she had her best day in months, and voila.... totally competent. I'm sure I will get to pay this jerk too... Means we have no rights to full disclosure, and do not get informed when decisions are made. I guess it doesn't count that I had been spoon feeding her, she was hallucinating for days, thought I was her sister, not her daughter, rang the nurses bell repeatedly without cause or knowledge of doing it... The competency decision was based on a 20 minute chat. She signed herself out of the hospital without even knowing what paperwork she was signing. Now the nursing home is making decisions for her (well she is really making those decisions, right?)
I'll let you all know about a little "trick" the nursing homes pull called "bed holds" in another blog. We now owe thousands of dollars in legal coercion/strong arm robbery just to guarantee they will take the residents back when they are released from the hospital. Medicare and private insurance doesn't cover this. You do.
It is nothing short of criminal what they do to the elderly and the families who are already emotionally fried by watching their loved ones deteriorate and spend their last days so unhappy and uncomfortable.
We can also talk in the future about the "loose books" of estate sale people. They sent a puny check to me (no way was it the full intake) and then had the nerve to use my father's antique uncancelled stamp collection as postage...I swear.
I could keep going, but really it serves no purpose.
Oh yea, forgot to add... I'm back to work full time. I'm feeling better health wise, but not really back to normal, yet.
Sandy had her rant... I guess this is mine.
Here is some of the frustration we are dealing with:
She was so ill, we tried to get the medical power of attorney enacted. We had this drawn up with the lawyer when my father died 17 years ago. You think you have your bases covered and they pull some crap out last minute to foil you....
We learned that it means nothing until you have to have 2 doctors sign that someone is mentally incompetent. (how demeaning).... A psychologist came to eval her, she had her best day in months, and voila.... totally competent. I'm sure I will get to pay this jerk too... Means we have no rights to full disclosure, and do not get informed when decisions are made. I guess it doesn't count that I had been spoon feeding her, she was hallucinating for days, thought I was her sister, not her daughter, rang the nurses bell repeatedly without cause or knowledge of doing it... The competency decision was based on a 20 minute chat. She signed herself out of the hospital without even knowing what paperwork she was signing. Now the nursing home is making decisions for her (well she is really making those decisions, right?)
I'll let you all know about a little "trick" the nursing homes pull called "bed holds" in another blog. We now owe thousands of dollars in legal coercion/strong arm robbery just to guarantee they will take the residents back when they are released from the hospital. Medicare and private insurance doesn't cover this. You do.
It is nothing short of criminal what they do to the elderly and the families who are already emotionally fried by watching their loved ones deteriorate and spend their last days so unhappy and uncomfortable.
We can also talk in the future about the "loose books" of estate sale people. They sent a puny check to me (no way was it the full intake) and then had the nerve to use my father's antique uncancelled stamp collection as postage...I swear.
I could keep going, but really it serves no purpose.
Oh yea, forgot to add... I'm back to work full time. I'm feeling better health wise, but not really back to normal, yet.
Sandy had her rant... I guess this is mine.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
9/14/08
It has been a wild summer. Several trips in and out of the hospital with my mom. The last one was very scary; we came extremely close to losing her. Several blood transfusions and they resurrected her.
She is currently back in the nursing home, the better of the two we have had experience with. Makes you think about whether modern medicine has done us a favor or not. People are much sicker and more compromised at the end of their lives. Not much dignity left.
I continue on medical leave; one more week to recuperate before back to the old grindstone. I am way too feisty to lay around. Kind of making me crazy, but the pain keeps me in check.
She is currently back in the nursing home, the better of the two we have had experience with. Makes you think about whether modern medicine has done us a favor or not. People are much sicker and more compromised at the end of their lives. Not much dignity left.
I continue on medical leave; one more week to recuperate before back to the old grindstone. I am way too feisty to lay around. Kind of making me crazy, but the pain keeps me in check.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
8/21/08
Summer is winding down quickly. She is back in a nursing home. Been there for almost a month now, with another short stay at the hospital in between. This nursing home takes better care of her and communicates with me on a much more frequent and better level. We are unsure if she will sufficiently rehab enough to make it back to her apartment. Dealing with emptying out her house, paying and taking care of an assisted living residence and dealing with the day-to-day issues of her health and nursing home care.... Whew.... Could really use a vacation on a beach somewhere... My luck, a hurricane would come around. Next week, dealing with some health issues of my own. Won't be able to start back to work for a couple of weeks. Bummer.
Is 2008 over yet? I'm ready for the new year.
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