Saturday, July 8, 2017

Silly Video

♫ Keeper of the hole, master of the house.
This little ditty has been sitting in drafts for a long time. Still makes me smile, so I'll post it.

Time Keeps Marching On

Time for  another update. Can't believe how the years pass. Looking back at my thoughts and view of the world and my current situation is interesting.  Many changes have occurred since my last writing.

A new job was on the horizon. Good things come to those who persevere and to those who have the want and initiative for improvement. My new position is better than any that preceded it. There is the independence I was seeking, and I am able to work to help children a much more fulfilling way. It can be more than exhausting at times, as the workload can be heavy. With no clearly defined parameters, I am finding that I am my own worst boss. It is hard to pace myself and not do too much. There is a huge needy population of teens out there. Seems like not only are the basic needs of kids not being met, they are totally lacking in guidance from home: common sense, honest conversation and self-assurance. Phones, electronics have taken over. Everything is immediate, intense in the moment, and therefore less satisfying, and can be more devastating and intense. Bullying is a huge issue. More and more, kids are failing in a system that is being forced to dumb down to meet the lower performance. I'm concerned it is a spiral effect and is sometimes hard to witness. Then, there are happy moments where you see you are making a difference and you come back the next day, newly refreshed.

My health has been an issue this past year. I've been dealing with a string of unusual infections that several doctors couldn't solve - or didn't seem to want to pinpoint the link or root cause of them. The extreme fatigue and memory issues had me pretty worried for awhile. Throwing antibiotics at it didn't help, but seemed to compound the situation. I felt poisoned and toxic with the medication at one point. My immune system is still fighting whatever it is, but at the moment, with the summer sun and air, it feels more manageable.

I saved the best for last.... There are also babies in my life. Three lovely little ones. My own children are wonderful parents. This depth of this joy can't sufficiently be put into words.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

It has been a long time since I laid down my thoughts. I started looking back at some previous posts, but can only read back so far. Hard to believe all that took place. Hard to believe I was able to manage it all.  It was a difficult time, for sure. Writing it out helped. The plants from the funeral that I planted outside still bloom. She is still with me in many ways, in my thoughts and actions every day.

My last two years have not been without change and drama. Changes to my job have been challenging. The political climate in our state certainly did not favor education. Many jobs were shifted, hundreds were eliminated, and I was one of the causalities. It took great focus to see my way though. Just when I felt comfortable in my skin again, another shift came my way. I'm beginning to think I was meant to learn most of my life lessons late in life. I've never been good with change, and this has been a real test.

I think I've learned that I can be very adaptable. It takes a lot of work and energy, but it can be done. I think I've learned a new confidence and strength in myself. Now.... let's hope this test was passed and I don't need to keep practicing. Although the job I'm doing isn't using my skills, it is a still a very important job and directly impacts the children I serve. I am still looking for a better fit. I come home tired, sore and sometimes very mentally beaten. Something using more brain power and less wiles and physical fortitude would be welcome. Have I paid enough dues yet? Only time will tell....


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Storm Report

Where were you when the big wind from Winnetka blew though? 

Did you lose your power?  Are you back in business?

Did you witness any damage or debris on your daily travels?

Please check in, let us know you survived and give your report! :)

Friday, January 14, 2011

1/14/2011


Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

3-26-2010

Reading back in my blog, I am in a much better place than I was one year ago. I am forever changed, though. Hard to imagine how I survived that chaos: the mental and physical stress. Trying to live a normal life with so many assaults and so much burden of choosing what is right for someone else is... insane.

Things are much more calm for me now. The phone and mail no longer scare me. I don't bring a phone to bed with me anymore.


Spring is springing all around... wait, that isn't how the poem goes:



THE RAIN is raining all around,




It falls on field and tree,




It rains on the umbrellas here,




And on the ships at sea.







--Robert Louis Stevenson

Mom liked poems. I think of her often. I try to focus on the good things she did. We butted heads terribly at times. She made plenty of mistakes in her life and I was not that great to live with either. I think about who I am and how I have been shaped by her life and actions.


I've been hearing robins, but haven't laid eyes on any. The tulips are poking through the ground. A plant, included with fresh flowers from the funeral, survived and is growing outside my back window. It made me smile to see it. I am getting antsy, checking on my rose bushes to hope for new growth. Life does go on....


Mail continues to come to the house for mom. The magazine subscriptions and pleas from charities she gave to are relentless. A few stray bills from the nursing home and the healthcare system. She has been gone now for 10 months. You would think with their fragile clientele.... nursing homes would be proactive in getting those bills out. Wisconsin law states that the heirs are not responsible for bills 30 days after death. Once the estate has been closed, no one is responsible... they have to eat those outstanding bills. Still not sufficient punishment for making my mom's days miserable with poor care and inattentiveness.


I'm still sad when I drive past these institutions, knowing there are hundreds of individuals sitting in there. It is like a prison sentence for your last days on Earth. Makes me think about my own future. We've just passed the new and improved health care bill. Will this new way of doing business make things better..... or will it be that much worse?